Monday, July 26, 2010

Orange Juice (Not for the Squeamish or Non-Parenty Types)

In the shower one morning, you notice a small drop of orange juice seeping from your right elbow. While there is absolutely no reason for you to be surprised or alarmed at this development--it is something you knew was coming eventually--it still is fascinating in a gross/weird/what-the-hell kind of way. "My body is now a beverage dispenser," you think. "What do I press for ice?"

You mention the orange juice to your husband. Possibly a mistake. Elbows have been basically his domain for some time. While he appreciates their recent added plumpness, the idea of a food-stuff in conjunction with your elbows just makes it clear that THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.

You start thinking about orange juice all the time, and are noticing elbows everywhere you go. Though millions have gone through this before and will again, you cannot help but think this must be how alien beings first set up shop in Earthlings. New motto: What would Sigourney Weaver do?


  1. Dude, Sigourney Weaver would CALL THE GHOSTBUSTERS!

  2. LOL, I like this writeup. Weird and creepy and fascinatingly cool all at the same time, isn't it?

    I wish I had learned about these much earlier... sleeping bras. Er, sleeping elbow protectors. They're nice and lightweight and offer no support, but hold the nursing pads in place while you sleep or hang around the house now. 'Cuz if you think your elbow's leaking now, you just wait...

    (If you Google sleeping bra you'll find them)

    Poor J. He's in for a shock.

  3. Don't I know it. If it's freaky to me, I can't imagine what he is thinking.

  4. OK, it's taken me 24 hours but I think I FINALLY figured out you aren't talking about literal elbows.

    I'm a quick one, aren't I?

  5. Ken, I think it's lovely that you exist in a world wherein this is not immediately obvious. J would much prefer it if he could return to that world, and truly believe I'm having some sort of orange juice related medical issue. It's like clapping your hands for Tinkerbell.