Friday, May 6, 2011

A Baby Walks Into a Zoo

It all began when we noticed that LO seems to have inherited my ghostly skin. Under a store's harsh florescent lighting, we both appear to be similar shades of green. In the right light, you can see the entire blue roadmap of our vein systems running under our skin. And it is likely that we will both turn a gentle shade of screaming lobster red after a mere fifteen minutes in the sun.

So, I have been keeping an eye out for a sunhat for my son and heir. I looked at Wal-Mart. There were two sunhats there. (And when I say two, I don't mean two styles, I mean TWO. Apparently, Wal-Mart has not yet clued in to the fact that the weather is enticing most people outside.) Of the two, one was pink, sparkly and clearly meant for a girl. The second was blue and green with an iron on flower and clearly meant for a girl. I bought the blue sunhat and an American flag iron-on to cover the flower, and was satisfied.

That hat has disappeared. (I didn't even get a chance to iron on some patriotism!) I won't say that the circumstances behind the disappearance of the girly hat are suspicious, but I do know all of my pink nail polish has also disappeared since the whole J. Crew brouhaha. You may draw your own conclusions.

Luckily, Target recognizes the need for sun protection more than America's retailer. I bought LO a Panama Jack style sun hat with a skull and crossbones on it, and a dear little velcro chin strap to keep the child from removing said hat. Hopefully it passes the "manly enough" sniff test for whoever may be responsible for the disappearance of the blue hat.

Yesterday, while my dear friend Ken was visiting, I put the PJ sunhat on the child, who violently objected, and the three of us walked across the street to the tiny zoo that lives in the park. I had told Ken that I expected the zoo to have stuff like domestic cats and dogs, and maybe a parakeet for some exotic flavor, but that was based on pure prejudice. I mean, really, how cool could a miniature zoo in Lafayette, Indiana be?

Pretty damn cool.

There are monkeys and wallabies and peacocks and bald eagles and prairie dogs and tortoises and otters, oh my! And they were all pretty close to the edges of the enclosures so that sweet young men being pushed in strollers could easily see all these cool animals. I really thought LO would like them, too.

Most of our conversations followed this pattern:

Me: LO, look at the spider monkey! He's grooming his friend.

LO: I'm playing with my hat, mother. I'm sure I can figure out how to get this damn thing off.

Me: LO, there's an enormous tortoise!

LO: Mother, is it not clear that I am attempting to remove this...this outrage?

While LO never managed to get the hat off, he was able remove the hat from his noggin so that it hung from his neck like an odd necklace, thereby reducing the sun protection benefits to a whopping nada.

Luckily, the zoo will continue to be there, although Ken has sadly gone back to Chicago.

The hat has survived to torture LO another day.

I think I got a little sunburn.


  1. Whenever I look out across the pool where Isaac is taking swimming lessons, I never have any trouble finding my kid...he's the one that looks like a vampire compared to the rest of his class. Pale mamas with pale sons rule!