Thursday, August 25, 2011

Ugly Truths About Parenthood

5. Makeup and jewelry? A haircut? Clothing other than jeans and tee-shirts? Looking anything like a with-it and attractive woman of the world? It is to laugh.

4. Mobile children can find things in your house to destroy that you didn't even remember owning. Once these items have been reduced to their component molecules, you realize they are priceless heirlooms. (Or Flintstones juice glasses. Which is the same difference in this particular household.)

3. A screaming child who is theoretically crying it out can outlast a mom with an "I got up a 4:30 and still haven't been back to bed yet" headache. Every. Single. Time.

2. Even if you are the type of hostess whose preparation for a party involves double checking approximately 10 minutes prior to when guests are expected to arrive to see if the chips you have around here somewhere in the pantry have gone stale, you will find yourself staring wistfully at paper plates, balloons, streamers and pinatas (oh, the pinatas!) when gearing up for your child's first birthday party.

1. When the child wakens you at 4:30 in the morning with a bad case of sniffly/runny-noseitis, you may find yourself wondering at around noon if you ever managed to brush your teeth that morning. It is important to note that the mental query does not generally lead to a (re)brushing of teeth.

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