Veteran Parenting

"I've done things, man. Things you wouldn't believe."

While Grandpa and Bubbie were in town to celebrate LO's first birthday, Grandpa helped us to (finally) childproof the house against LO-the-faster-than-the-eye-can-see-destroyer-of-things. We posted a gate at the top of the basement stairs and pray the cats can fit through the bars. We stuck those prongy things in our sockets in the hopes that LO will not electrocute himself. And we made it so that every time I reach for a utensil in our kitchen in the next month, I will wonder what the heck is wrong with our drawers before I remember how to work the new latches.

Grandpa J put the tools away and looked around for other possible hazards. He pointed out our antique jelly cupboard in the dining room and reached authoritatively for another safety latch.

"It's okay," I said to him. "Look, it latches from the inside on the left. We'll just move all the breakable stuff to that side."

"Not enough," Grandpa J said with the weariness of a veteran who has seen it all. "He'll climb in there."

I looked at him incredulously.

"You haven't seen what a two-year-old can do," he said. "I have, man. I've seen things you don't even know. I've seen stuff you wouldn't believe."

Apparently my sister and I put our father through the wars. What's the statute of limitations on apologies for premature gray hairs?