Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Parenting Fail

Oh, My!
LO's speech therapist comes every Monday for the weekly shenanigans wherein LO says (in his head) "Dance, grownup puppets, dance!" and the speech therapist and I make like lab rats that are slowly learning to run the maze created by the mad scientist who is pretending he can't talk.

Also, there are bubbles.

Yesterday, after about a half hour of play and impressing the grownups by repeating the word "ubble! ubble!" over and over again while popping said ubbles, LO caught sight of the baby lotion resting on top of the changing table.

Now, I should take a moment here to explain that LO has of late decided to become my shadow. Anything Mom does is just all right by him. So if I'm making the bed, he "helps" by pulling on the quilt so hard it falls to the floor. If I put on chapstick, LO wants in on the action. And, since it is winter and I am applying lotion to my hands approximately once every 0.052 seconds, LO has decided that soft and supple hands are the order of the day for him, as well.

So, once he realized that it had been a good 20 minutes since the last time either of us had applied lotion, he reached for the bottle and gave the particular whine that means "I want that."

Without consulting with my brain as to whether it was a good idea, my mouth immediately started a movie quote:

"It puts the lotion on its skin."

Thankfully, my brain was able to remind my mouth of the fact that we were quoting a famed fictional serial killer in front of a mandated reporter before the second half of the sentence had a chance to come out.

My hope is that our speech therapist, who looks like she's about 23 years old soaking wet, has never actually seen the movie and has no idea what I was talking about. In which case it was a really good thing that I managed to keep the hose bit out of my comment.

And of course, this is before we even get to the fact that I'm quoting a serial killer to my toddler son, who, as far as I can tell, is only pretending that he can't talk yet. 

I just can't wait for him to start repeating my more inappropriate movie references at school.


  1. I could not get Emme to nurse when she first came home from the hospital. We struggled and struggled. So, I made a lactation appointment, got us out of the house, paid our $60, and explained to the LC all of my troubles (I may have even cried a bit). The LC asked to see us try to nurse. Emme promptly latched on, nursed solidly for 10 minutes, switched to the other side and nursed for another 15, burped and went to sleep, and we've never had another bit of trouble. They start that puppet master stuff early. I told her I'm going to give her a bill for $60 as soon as she gets a job.

  2. My daughter is 25 months old and still seems disinclined to talk. So far the doctor hasn't mentioned therapy yet, but I feel it's coming. Lately I feel like she's been "forgetting" words she knows. Some days I just feel like she's messing with me. Now she calls all of her favorite things "sticker", including several food items she knows, and has spoken, the real names for.

  3. We have been watching Breaking Bad and Dexter with the baby...hmmm

  4. We have been watching Breaking Bad and Dexter with the baby...hmmm