The Greatest Hits of Singing My Son To Sleep

I have a talent for finding completely inappropriate lullabies, particularly in the middle of the night.  It's partially because I only go for songs that I know all the lyrics to--which severely limits my appropriate choices.  In the past 24 hours, I have sung the following songs:

Frere Jacques--okay, nothing inappropriate about it, except that if LO speaks French, he'll know that I'm asking him to wake up.  Considering the fact that I speak French, and the fact that Frere Jacques has not particularly soothed him when he's screaming, I suspect that he has a passing acquaintance with the tongue.

Bizarre Love Triangle as sung by Frente!--The New Order version isn't quite lullaby-like.

One by U2--Songs about AIDS really just say sleepy baby to me.

That Was Your Mother by Paul Simon--Actual lyrics: "That was your mother, that was your father, before you was born, dude, when life was great.  You are the burden of my generation.  I sure do love you, but let's get that straight."  When I think about it, I change the word "great" to "different" and "burden" to "privilege," but sometimes my singing muscle memory isn't able to keep up with my intentions.  Thankfully the song has a good beat and LO can dance to it.

Rock N Roll All Night by Twisted Sister--Enough said.

The Song That Never Ends--I think this is the one that will cause LO to speak at a ridiculously young age. His first words, I suspect, will be "For the love of all that is holy, woman, stop singing that!"

Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons--This song in some ways is really appropriate--LO is our little lion man.  On the other hand, it has the F word, it tells the little lion man that he should weep for himself and it claims that I screwed everything up for him.  We've put in a deposit for a great therapist in about 20 years.

Galileo by The Indigo Girls--Is it really appropriate to sing to an 18-day old infant about reincarnation?

On top of my odd lyric choices, poor LO also has to put up with my singing voice.  I'm thinking a future in music is not in the cards for my son.