Wednesday, December 21, 2011

How Parenting is Like "24"

1. It's unclear how restroom breaks and basic hygiene are accomplished in any particular 24 hour period. One suspects that parents, like Jack Bauer, simply ignore minor bodily functions in the interest of keeping America safe from an imminent and growing threat.

2. Shouting "There's NO TIME!" to underlings/minor characters/wait staff is a major method of communication. For example:
Waitress: "We've got several specials this evening."
Parent: "Dammit, there's NO TIME! Bring some crackers or straws or this is going to blow!"

3. Each day is spent trying to anticipate the moves of an unpredictable rogue who holds all the cards, although you are doing your level best to convince said rogue that you have some power and authority. You know that failure is not an option and the stakes could not be higher.

4. You feel incredibly conflicted about averting potential unmitigated disasters by using the tactics that work best (i.e., torture/Barney) but you know the end justifies the means. (And yes, I did just compare Barney to water boarding. I went there.)

5. Whatever plot you manage to foil early in any particular 24 hour period is merely the prelude to the actual disaster that's in store for you. So don't congratulate yourself when you manage to keep peanut butter from the walls/ceiling fan/dog's ears. You know something even worse is coming later on.

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