Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Don't Let Him Fool You

This young man looks like a typical, harmless baby.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I present to you Exhibit A:
While LO may claim that the red stain adorning his mouth is simply leftover marinara sauce, you cannot deny the suggestive nature of this photo. The only question is whether LO is a zombie or a vampire. (I vote zombie, because vampires lost all terror cred once they started sparkling.)

Then, there is Exhibit B:Under that pile of blankets and cat lies the young man's mother. Once upon a time, she was a well rested, alert, punctual, and charming individual. Now she feels more like this:(While it has always been assumed that I might grow up to be a crazy cat lady, no one ever thought I'd be the drooling/cat-hurling variety.)

The problem lies in the fact that the child will not SLEEP. Since the discomfort in my edema-tastic extremities was such that I was unable to sleep for the last month and a half of my pregnancy, I haven't had a great night's sleep in a year and a half. To put that time frame into perspective and a metric that we can all relate to and understand: I'M REALLY REALLY TIRED!!

Unfortunately, sleep deprivation does not violate the Geneva Convention, so my original plan of alerting authorities to the miniature war criminal cooling his heels in Lafayette, Indiana never got off the ground. (And by the way, Geneva Convention, what is wrong with you? I'd be sharing any military secrets I knew about now if it meant I could sleep for 12 straight hours without sharing my bed with a 23 pound bundle of kicking/nursing/let's play!/I want that/you can't be mad at me, I'm adorable!)

So, I thought I'd let you all know. The young man may appear harmless and may even giggle engagingly when you tickle his belly or fake sneeze for him. But beware: he's a marinara-eating, sleep-stealing, Geneva Convention-compliant con artist.

Anyone want to have him come for a sleepover?

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