Innappropriate Wedding Quotations

Yesterday was J's and my fifth wedding anniversary.

For years prior to the wedding, J and I had lamented to each other the fact that anytime we saw a quotation about marriage on a wedding invitation, it never seemed to truly represent the couple who had chosen it. We thought it would be awesome to have Mussolini's (apocryphal) quotation "The trains will run on time or it will be your head!" on a wedding invitation.

(J also thought Jay-Z's 99 Problems would make for an excellent processional/bridal march, and while I agreed with him in the abstract, I had to put the kibosh on that in the real world.)

Since our own wedding invitation was going to grandparents, great-aunts, work contacts, and other individuals who might wonder what the hell kind of fascist wedding we were holding had we gone with the Mussolini option, we chose instead the lovely Douglas Adams quotation "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."

I had forgotten what other quotations we'd considered until earlier this week. Apparently, I was a more organized bride than I let on, because I recently found on our computer a list of potential wedding quotations. (That's the upside of procrastination, I must say. You discover all kinds of good stuff you've forgotten about).

Just imagine, you might have received a wedding invitation from us with one of the following bons mots--before J declared before all the world that he had 99 problems but his bitch ain't one:

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy, if I could say how much.

 --William Shakespeare, "Much Ado about Nothing", Act 2 scene 1

If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.

 --William Shakespeare, "Twelfth Night", Act 3 scene 4

There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other.

 --J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

You sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.

 --J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

 --Carl Jung

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

--H.L. Mencken

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

--Matt Groening

 Maybe kissing is sort of like nature's coffee.

--Scott Westerfield, Midnighters: Blue Noon, 2005

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.

--Mickey Rooney

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

--Rita Rudner

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

--Albert Schweitzer

 I hate women because they always know where things are.

--James Thurber

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

--Douglas Adams

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

--Douglas Adams

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.

--Dorothy Parker

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate.

--Thornton Wilder

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

--Ogden Nash

If G-d lived on earth, people would break his windows.

--Jewish proverb

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

--Mark Twain

  
Happy anniversary J! After five years, I can still honestly say that I may have 99 problems but a bastard ain't one.