He Wears No Pants

"I know I left my pants in here somewhere."

When I was in elementary school, I had a playmate whose home I never saw the inside of. Pippa (not her real name) and I would be playing outside with our cars and dolls, when she would invite me up to her apartment to see another toy that she thought I'd like. First though, she'd have to run up to ask permission to have a guest over.

Each time, she'd come back downstairs with a dejected slump to her shoulders. "You can't come up," Pippa would say. "My dad's already taken off his pants."

I know that this happened at least twice. Even as an 8-year-old, I remember being amused by the inevitability of Mr. Middleton's pants removal. It was as if the de-pantsing was some sort of fact of nature, the only surprise being the timing of the pantslessness.

LO seems to be well on his way to being pantsless and proud himself. Despite my repeated urgings, the child seems to go trouser-free most hours of the day. We of course agree upon the necessity of wearing slacks when venturing outside in this weather. (And I doubt that Mr. Middleton often went free-spirited outside of his apartment.) But once we are in for the day, LO seems to be perfectly happy to wear nothing but a diaper.

"I'M FREE!!" he shouts the moment the pants come off.

You may be wondering how a mama, who is not only 30+ years older than this pantaloon-hating young man, but is also more than 6 times his weight and several times his strength, is not able to enforce a strict pants-wearing policy during waking hours. And the reason is: wiggling. Stuffing an unwilling baby into a pair of pants that he has decided are unnecessary is like trying to force limp spaghetti through a paper straw. Ultimately, it's easier to let the child do his Hugh Hefner impression. (Seriously, you should see his silk juice-drinking jacket).

Thankfully, LO fits into a long and storied history of men who prefer to feel unconstricted by such plebian articles of clothing as britches.


Yeah, he'll fit right in.