Monday, February 13, 2012

I Don't Know How to Title This

My mother is ill. Last Tuesday, while I was in Baltimore for a visit, she couldn't seem to get warm and was overwhelmingly fatigued. On Wednesday, she was not able to take me and LO to the airport because of how awful she felt. On Thursday, my stepfather came home from work early because he could not understand her slurred speech when he called to check on her. He took her to the hospital, where she was checked in with acute pneumonia. My sister outlined the details of Mom's illness in her blog. Suffice it to say, as of right now my mother is in a chemically induced coma that will last at least 7-10 days before we know anything really.

My sister and I have two very different reactions to health problems. Tracie arms herself with knowledge. She spent hours online researching pneumonia, sepsis and ARDS. She did the same thing years ago when she was in middle school. At the time, our mother had recently been diagnosed with Lupus, and so Tracie decided to research the disease for a school project. The information really scared her, but I think she felt empowered being able to at least control what she knew.

I, on the other hand, am an ignorance-is-bliss type. I ignore anything I can't do something about. I may have over-internalized the serenity prayer, but I really feel like I just don't want to know. After each health revelation this past weekend, I took a moment to google Mom's diagnosis, only to find myself on Cracked or Carolyn Hax after a few moments. I just couldn't force myself to read more. Since there's absolutely nothing I can do.

I might or might not update this blog with what's going on with my mom. Part of me wants to return to the regularly scheduled amusing stories about LO. It makes me feel normal to do the things I like to do, but I also feel dishonest not writing about what's on the forefront of my mind. So I really don't know what this blog will be. I just know that I always need to find humor somewhere, so I'll share this thought that Tracie and I sort of laughed over this weekend.

Many years ago, Tracie and I were having lunch with Mom at the Owings Mills Mall food court. Mom stepped away from the table for a minute, and Tracie had a really strange thought. "You know, if Mom were ever in a hostage situation," she said, "she wouldn't be scared. She'd be thinking: 'Oh, crap! Now I have to deal with this.'"

Tracie didn't remember this conversation, but it stuck with me. I reminded her of it this weekend when we learned that our mother would, in the best case scenario, be in a coma for over a week. I'm sure Mom is currently thinking, "Oh, crap! Now I have to deal with this!"

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